i've been thinking a lot lately about a very dangerous sport that i seem to engage in a lot. the sport of jumping ahead. a dear friend from our church (my former CALM Bible study leader) sent me an e-mail last friday saying that she was praying that i would "resist the temptation to run ahead of Him and “make things up” about what might, could, happen". it struck me for a couple of reasons but one of the craziest things about it was that i swear God has been using a multitude of avenues to tell me this.
at my ob/gyn appointment on thursday, i had a laundry list of questions about what we could do if "x" happened. if i had another bad reaction to the epidural, what could we do? if my sciatica returned and i couldn't lie on my back, what would we do? if i had a panic attack during labor, could they give me drugs?? dr. speyer calmly (seriously, the woman has the patience of job) said that we would deal with whatever happened when it happened. it wasn't really what i was looking for but the rational side of me knew that she couldn't very well diagnose and treat things that hadn't occurred.
i'd also been reading eat pray love which deals a lot with her battle with her thoughts. toward the end of the book she realizes how much she worried and fretted when everything turned out just as it was supposed to.
okay, God, i get it. i'm a jumper-aheader.
this has been a lifelong sport for me. i spent a considerable amount of time from around age 9 on worrying that something bad would happen to my parents. by bad i mean that they would die. it was the worst possible thing my mind could conjecture and it stole a lot of joy from my life for many years. and then a crazy thing happened in college...my dad had a heart attack. the bizarre part of it all? i didn't die when i got the call. (granted, he didn't die either. praise God.) but it was like this HUGE fear i'd had all my life was sort of playing out in front of me and God gave me the peace i needed *at that moment*.
this fear led to a lot of really bad habits that had to do with jumping ahead. i carried stomach medicine with me at all times in case i got sick. how horrible to get sick and not have medicine handy! i insisted (still do frankly) on driving so that i could leave if something happened and i wanted to go. i still have a hard time accepting invitations that are far in the future...what i don't feel like going that night??
point is that i have realized this whole jumping ahead business is something i'd like to put behind me. it's also something that i think is probably a fairly universal human pasttime.
elizabeth gilbert provides a great mental image in her book about controlling thoughts. she views her mind as a safe harbor and talks about consciously turning away the thoughts she doesn't want to have. i've started trying to use this myself. "oh hello, mr.-reminder-of-something-i've-done-wrong. i'd like to say it's nice to see you but it isn't so i'm going to have to ask you to leave." "ah, mrs.-might-happen-sometime-in-the-future. fancy meeting you here. tell you what, if indeed you do occur, come on back. otherwise, please keep on sailing."
i'll be honest. i'm really not great at this yet. but i'm trying.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
a dangerous sport
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
valentine's day crafts
the weather has been alternately be-u-tiful and frigid so we've tried to enjoy the outdoors when possible and find indoor fun when the outdoors is just too cold.
this weekend we made a valentine's sensory tub that has been so much fun (and so cheap i might add). if you select the link, it will take you to the website where i originally saw this. ours is slightly modified in that we used white rice, red kidney beans, and heart erasers from the dollar section at target. glitter, fun as it is, is just not my friend at this point so we didn't do that. we talked about the different sizes of the rice, beans, and hearts...counted the hearts...scooped and measured (fine motor skills)...and frankly, just had fun running our hands through the stuff.
adorable heart measuring cups that i found in the dollar section at target. she loves them. as do i.
lots of scooping and measuring...
tonight we skipped over a few letters and made "h" our letter of the week because i wanted to do something valentine's-ish (not a word, i know). i found these super cute heart foam stickers for a buck at target and madeleine had a ball peeling off the backs and sticking all of them to the letter before we cut out.
Monday, January 18, 2010
hello again
it's a good thing one of my 2010 goals wasn't to more regularly update our blog...i'd be failing miserably.
so quick update on the clevengers...
we spent most of the weekend getting ready for baby...swing setup (thanks mom and dad!), bouncer setup (thanks terese, lori, and joann!), car seat cover changed/installed with winter snuggie (thanks again ladies!), hospital bag half packed, bassinet setup, baby clothes washed and put away (i'd forgotten how tiny they are).
i spent thursday before last in the hospital being monitored for pre-term labor. thankfully, we weren't in pre-term labor but things appear to be progressing. need to hold out until at least thursday when i'll be 35 weeks. after that, bring it on!
work is rather crazy busy for both brett and me and we're both trying to get as much done as possible so we can enjoy (as much as you can enjoy no sleep and a crying newborn) maternity/paternity leave.
other than that, we're ready for spring.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2010 goals
Sailing into the Sun
Originally uploaded by cmiguel
i’ve never really been one to set new year’s resolutions but i am a goal kind of gal. SimpleMom provided a wonderful list of questions to reflect on 2009 and a thought provoking list of questions to inspire goals for 2010. We’ve all heard that people who set goals are significantly more likely to achieve them so who am I to question statistical significance.
i’ve decided to share my goals with all of you as a step in accountability. this year i tried to focus more on “visioning” what i wanted the year/my life and setting goals accordingly. as a result, my goals are largely focused on improved health – physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial - and family.
would love to hear if you’ve set goals for 2010 and if you’re up to sharing, what some of them are.
1. Solidify budget and stick to it! if you haven’t heard of dave ramsey, i’d highly recommend checking out his stuff. it’s really inspired me to be the master of our money rather than the other way around. this and the next several goals are very much based on his program though we don’t follow all of his principles. i’ll do another post on that…
2. Continue with investment withholdings and don’t skip. brett and i have been using a financial planner for several years and have (in addition to 401k withholdings) money taken out every month for investments and madeleine’s college fund. every year for the past four years, we inevitably have a month or two (or three) that we stop our investments because something unexpected has come up. our goal this year is to not “stop” any of the withholdings.
3. Save 1/3 of our emergency fund. this may sound like a small goal but our living expenses are so high in DC that our 6 month emergency fund needs to be quite large. we would have to stop all of our retirement and college fund withholdings (which dave ramsey recommends but we have chosen to not do) to have any hope of saving more for this fund. we do have a fully funded baby emergency fund.
4. Eat healthier foods and exercise at least five times per week. specific steps we’re taking…eating more fresh produce, fewer refined foods, less sugar, and buying locally when able (but not going crazy on this last one). i can’t do a lot of exercise right now but i can walk. so i walk.
5. Mother intentionally. intentional = deliberate, knowing, willful, designed. i’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of family life i want to have and what kind of family life we currently have. i want to be more intentional in how i mother madeleine and tadpole. look for ways to encourage their (realistically this is much more related to madeleine for obvious reasons) passions and strengths and opportunities to help them overcome their weaknesses. also, looking for opportunities to start our own family traditions and reinforce family values.
6. Sharpen the saw by trying one new physical activity and learning a new skill/hobby. franklin covey trademarked the sharpening the saw concept which essentially means that you continue personal growth and development. it’s pretty easy between career, marriage, motherhood, and the myriad of other responsibilities to not focus much in this area. i don’t want to be that way, though. this year i’m going to try one new physical activity, considering sailing as i’ve always wanted to try it, and learn something new, considering spanish.
7. Invest in relationships that are important to me. working from home for the past two months, i haven’t done a great job of getting out. seriously, i need to get out of the house more. i’m going to actively plan lunches, dinners, movies, etc. with people i care about.
happy new year, everyone. i hope it's your best year yet.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
christmas baking
i've just returned from the airport...dropping off my parents for their flights home (sniff, sniff). we had a lovely time with them - good food and great company just can't be beat! i thought my first post could be about the good food part. we had several great dishes but i'll focus on the healthiest ones - the cookies, rolls, and muffins.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Simple Mom — Live simply, stay sane. Life hacks for home managers.
go register for this great Dayspring candle giveaway!!
Simple Mom — Live simply, stay sane. Life hacks for home managers.
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